Deep thoughts on coming back to life as a squirrel

I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. I toss and turn, and somewhere around 2 or 3 a.m., I seem to start thinking about the Wonders of Life. Such as, I wonder why kids are so drawn to eating their boogers. Ewwww. Disgusting!

Too disgusting! So my mind moves on to another Wonder of Life. I don’t believe in reincarnation, but if I did, which would I rather come back as? A really, really tall person who can reach the stuff on the top shelf of Stater Bros., or a squirrel? Now remember, this is my sleep-deprived mind talking. So, sleepless as ever, I ponder the advantages of both.

Being only 4 foot 10, I would love to be able to reach the things I really need at Stater Bros. And it seems that somehow, they’re always on the top shelf. Not only at Stater Bros., but everywhere else in the world, too.

So, I have to endure the embarrassment of asking the next passing tall person if they would mind reaching what I need. Lucky for me, it’s usually a good-looking young, tall guy. So good-looking that he automatically goes on the boy-toy list that is ever in my mind.

Or would I want to come back as a squirrel? They sure seem to have an awful lot of fun. Fun like antagonizing every passing dog. And yes, they do seem to do it on purpose. You should see how they tease my poor little Lucy by sashaying around, wig-wagging their tails at her.

And then I could see what it’s like to “leap tall buildings in a single bound.” Well, maybe not the Superman thingy. But as a squirrel, I could at least scale tall buildings – well, maybe not tall buildings, but at least scale the walls of our cottages, and then run across the rooftops like squirrels do. That sure looks like fun.

And sometimes I see five or six squirrels running around playing together and having a party. And I’m always up for a party.

So anyhoo, it’s all a toss-up – squirrel or tall person? If only I had a fairy godmother. Then she could just wave her wand and say, “Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo,” and make me one or the other – but preferably a squirrel. And if I didn’t like being a squirrel, maybe I could talk her into doing it again so I could be a tall person.

Well, anyhoo. Let’s face it: I’m never going to get to sleep. So up and at ‘em. Time to take Lucy for a walk. Squirrels!

Diane Duray is a Laguna Woods Village resident. Contact her at dduray47@gmail.com.